I was feeling somewhat blue when I rode off on my bicycle from Joran’s place. I honestly cannot even remember the exact reason. I do know that the bottom line was that I was being egocentric, and indulged in my somber feelings (yes, I’m human. I have my bad days).
The next day I was watching an Anthony Robbins movie. He states that there are 3 levels of relationships. In a level one relationship both partners look out to fulfill their own needs. In a level two relationship, partners try to fulfill the other one’s needs, but only if their own needs are fulfilled as well. In a level three relationship you love unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. The irony is that if both partners commit to this third level, both of their needs will be fulfilled, because they are looking out for each other.
I suddenly knew that my sad thoughts of the night before had come out of a level one or two relationship thinking.
Insights are meaningless if they aren’t followed by action.
It was time for some introspection. How had I been the most loving girlfriend over the last week? When was the last time I randomly surprised Joran with something fun? What actions could I take to make him feel loved, every single day?
Next thing you know, I sneaked into his house and created a heart balloon surprise for when he would come home.
I will tell you how you can do the same (it is pretty straightforward).
1. Buy/find heart balloons, string and tape.
2. Blow up balloons.
3. Tie strings to the balloons
4. Stick the balloons to the ceiling with tape.
But I will also tell you that this post isn’t so much about the heart balloons. It is about your attitude, about my attitude. It’s about seeking to give love instead of receiving it.
Often there is already so much love in front of you. The reason you fail to experience it, is because you’re constantly focusing on getting it, instead of giving it. Experiencing love can be in: any time you hug someone, any time you pick up the phone to call a friend, any time you smile at someone, any time you help someone, any time you surprise someone. Notice how all of these examples are about giving love? They aren’t: ‘any time you get a hug, any time someone smiles at you, any time someone calls you’. I’m not saying you cannot experience love in the actions of others, because you most certainly can. But you need to realise that you are in full control over the level of love you let yourself experience.
You cannot dictate other people’s behaviour. The only thing you have control over is your own behaviour. With your choices, your actions and your focus, you shape the world around you. If I would always wait to receive love from random strangers, I would never go on any magical mission.
How can you make those around you feel incredibly loved?
I don’t care if you need heart balloons, glitters or penguins. But make sure to express the love you carry in your heart. Make sure you give it away, every single day of your life.
From experience I can tell you that it might end up with you feeling a whole lot better about your life ;)
December 5, 2014 at 14:14
What a sweet idea : D I really like the idea of three levels of relationship. Last night, I snapped at my husband not because of anything he did wrong (he did something that normally would have just mildly annoyed me) but because I had had a hard day and was stressed. I was only looking out for my own needs to be met, not thinking of him at all; now I can see that! It’s so important that no matter what our emotional state, we continue to keep looking at our partner too, because a relationship is not only about us. To my husband’s credit, he was compassionate and supportive, realizing that I was not doing well emotionally, so that is another good thing about stable relationships: that when one person is in a hard place, the other can love them as they work things out!
December 17, 2014 at 15:28
Yes, I’ve definitely been there. And I agree what you say about the positive support. It’s a good thing that our partners love us even at moments when we don’t always act lovable :)
December 5, 2014 at 21:45
Aw this is a lovely post. This is such a nice way of thinking.
I love the balloon idea too, how cute!! x
December 6, 2014 at 09:26
Aah zo lief!
December 7, 2014 at 02:11
this is such a great reminder and a lovely surprise :)
December 12, 2014 at 01:38
“Insights are meaningless if they aren’t followed by action.” That is going in my quote journal, Marielle. You’re incredible, and as simple as this is, you’re completely right– it’s about the attitude and the meaning behind the gesture. If we ever feel some sort of epiphany ,we HAVE to use that energy, inspiration, and power for good. Sometimes it’s good for us, sometimes it’s for one person specifically, and sometimes it’s for humanity in general. Love you.
December 17, 2014 at 15:33
What an honour! That’s awesome & made me smile!