Did you know I have a cleaning job two days a week to be able to do the things I am passionate about? Did you know that not having a ‘real job’ after having finished my Master of Science degree intimidates me and makes me doubt myself? Did you know I have someone who is dear to me who is terminally ill with cancer? Did you know that sometimes I wish I was more charismatic and less socially awkward? Did you know I am terrified that I won’t be able to transform my passion and creativity into a living over the long term?
There is more to me than what I show on my blog. Everybody struggles. Sometimes these struggles are obvious to one’s surroundings. Sometimes you will never even know about them. I’m not looking for your sympathy. The reason I share these struggles is to illustrate that we all have them, even if you don’t see them. Or perhaps especially when you don’t see them. And these are just a handful I choose to share right now. Imagine the amount of invisible struggles of every blogger you follow, every person you meet on the street, even of the people you love. You cannot ‘wish’ for someone else’s accomplishments without also wishing for the struggles that come with their accomplishments.
The trouble with comparing is, you never make a fair comparison. You will choose one tiny feature of someone’s full personality, characteristics or accomplishments. You will base your image of this feature on the superficial information that you gathered. You isolate it. You neglect the entire history of the person and his/her circumstances that lead them to this place. You neglect all the parts that they are struggling with, either visible or invisible. You focus on this single feature and for some unrealistic reason, you expect of yourself to be at a similar level. Not because you have in any way gone through all the steps that are required to get there, but because you just decided it is where you want to be. You tell yourself it is where you should be. Comparing in such a way is unfair. Not just to you, but also to the person you are comparing yourself with.
It’s perfectly normal to want to improve aspects of your life. Personal growth is healthy and necessary. Role models can help you to direct your growth. Then there are the things in your life that either come natural to you or that you have finally mastered after a long and tedious process. I can guarantee you that there are people who wish they had some of these features too.
Human beings show complex behaviours and characteristics. You might value some of these more highly than others. But one thing that’s certain is that you cannot only have ‘good ones’, whoever the judge is of what is good or not. No one has only positive things. Not you, not your friend, not the random person on the Internet. They all have things in their life they are happy about, and things they wish they could change.
Sharing my struggles makes me feel vulnerable. But if feeling vulnerable means making a statement, than it is what I desire. Next time when you are comparing yourself, I hope you remember this post. Not because I want you to forget my creative and playful side, but because there is always more than meets the eye.
People are incredible complex, intricate beings. When you start lovingly looking at them for who they are, your holistic view of them will decrease your urge to compare yourself. We all have our own path in this life. Sometimes you face more hardships on that path. Sometimes you skip in the sunshine. Sometimes you think the rain will never stop and you wish you had an umbrella. Comparing yourself to someone who has an umbrella is useless to your situation. It is also demotivating. You cannot control every aspect of your journey. You can make tiny steps into what seem the right direction at the moment and try to keep smiling while you walk.
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19 Comments
Pumpkin
July 28, 2014 at 16:30
Thank you so much for sharing your vulnerability with us. I can say at the very least, it has really helped me. It was just the change of perspective I needed at this difficult time in my life. Thank you again and good luck with your challenges!
magicaldaydream
August 1, 2014 at 18:31
Thanks for letting me know, that’s really encouraging :)
Ice Pandora
July 28, 2014 at 20:56
Thanks for your words of wisdom, I did helped me some c: Xx
bekswhoknits
July 29, 2014 at 06:01
“Sometimes you skip in the sunshine. Sometimes you think the rain will never stop and you wish you had an umbrella. Comparing yourself to someone who has an umbrella is useless to your situation.”
Maybe it’s because I have a bracelet that says “umbrellas wash away in the rain” taken from the Cold War Kids song Bitter Poem, but that line really stood out to me. Enough for me to write it down in my notebook.
It’s so easy to see one side of a person, mostly because that’s all they want you to see.
Thank you for sharing some of your context.
magicaldaydream
August 1, 2014 at 18:32
Such a coincidence and so beautiful :)
Charlotte
July 29, 2014 at 07:29
Ah, I recognize so much of what you’re saying. Believe me, having a ‘real job’ that you don’t really enjoy isn’t that great and I’m sure that in a few years, you’ll look back and be happy that you took your life in another direction and created an actual, fulfilling job for yourself.
It’s good to be reminded that it takes little steps in the right direction and especially to enjoy those tiny movements forward :)
magicaldaydream
August 1, 2014 at 18:32
That’s a good point. Even the ‘positive’ things we think we want or compare ourselves to often aren’t that utopian after all :)
Joyce Welch
July 29, 2014 at 14:36
So true.The last sentence especially spoke to me. ” You can make tiny steps into what seem the right direction at the moment and try to keep smiling while you walk.”
Thanks for sharing :)
Carly
July 29, 2014 at 21:21
It is so comforting when people open up like this and share the sides of themselves and their lives that they don’t typically speak of. Often times, I struggle with the worst case of comparison-itis, comparing every little tiny aspect of myself to someone else, but it’s so unfair and misleading because I’m comparing my bad parts to other peoples’ good parts because they’re more readily accessible. Every single person looks more interesting when you are not that person.
Everyone their own story. It would be lovely if it were more common to celebrate that fact than to worry about it.
magicaldaydream
August 1, 2014 at 18:34
I love the idea of celebration. Perhaps I should give that one more thought; not just ‘not compare’ but go a step further and make it a good thing. Thanks for the input!
Kim
July 30, 2014 at 01:49
thank you for sharing and being vunerable, I like your colorful paisley doodle :)
You are so right, there’s no point in comparing yourself to others when you don’t know what all they are going through. AND people look like they are doing “great” on the outside but you have no idea what they are having to deal with, this has become more apparent to me in the last year, with different things my family has gone through.
I commend you for getting a job so you can focus on things your passionate about :)
Uncustomary Art
July 30, 2014 at 13:26
This is very important and beautiful. I’m really glad you’re here.
spudart
August 11, 2014 at 17:33
Your blog post really made me pause and think. The exact advice you gave here really addresses something I’ve been struggling with for the past couple years: comparing myself to others who have been able to make a living with their passion and creativity.
Your advice reminds me a lot of what my mom would reassure me. To not unfairly compare yourselves to others. In most cases you don’t know what that person has gone through or what they are dealing with currently in their lives. All the points you made rings so true with the advice my mom would give to me.
This really makes me appreciate the path that I’ve taken in my life–for all it’s goods and bads. It’s my path. In college, some 20 years ago, I contended that the desire for fame is the downfall of many artists. I need to stick true to what I do and not be disappointed when I don’t get the fame. (my bit of being vulnerable, revealing parts of myself)
magicaldaydream
August 20, 2014 at 20:13
Thanks for sharing with me :) I think we are all here to serve. Some of us are able to serve in the spotlight, others do it behind the scenes. It doesn’t really matter in the end. I truly believe that we can all live meaningful lives wherever you are in your life right now.
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flor
November 27, 2015 at 07:04
hello from argentina!
i serendipitously came in, i’ve been reading your blog for the last 4 or 5 hours, and i cannot describe how inspired i feel after getting to know you (you, your world, your colours, your ideas, your infinity creativity, your magical missions and your raks!). everything is lovely, you’re lovely, thank you so much!!!
i wrote 20 mini envelopes to randomly deliver tomorrow =)
i’d love to do a “two weeks challenge” making songs. i always feel unconfortable because i don’t have enough time to trully connect with my creativity and let it flow being productive as i want! i’m planning to try it on january.
and this post is also really inspiring, so honest, so human and real.
thank you again!
blessings for you <3
magicaldaydream
November 27, 2015 at 12:33
I’m so so happy to hear that! Putting so much work, passion and love into this blog it’s one of the greatest compliments I can get. I’m curious to hear about your experience leaving the envelopes. Do tell me how it went if you want to ;)!
flor
November 30, 2015 at 03:07
i left them on the bus, on a cab, and in pub’s toilets. thank you for the idea!!!
do you know osho’s tarot cards? i made something crazy with it, i asked the universe for a message to write inside each envelope, hoping that it helps somebody with the right words at the right time =p
i named the project “little treasure”, so i signed the envelopes with it. two of my friends are joining, one from buenos aires too, and another who is living in barcelona at the moment.
it feels sooo good!!
ps. my english level isn’t very good, so sorry!!
magicaldaydream
November 30, 2015 at 09:55
I don’t know osho’s tarot cards. But I’m excited that you’re trying to brighten up the days of others. It’s even more fun that your friends will join, how exciting! Thank you for spreading the kindness! :)